Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
