so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
