omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
