I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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