You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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