I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
