Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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