this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
