you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
