what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.