I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
