loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.