you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight