We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
