I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
