Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
