New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
