Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize