Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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