I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
