just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
