so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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