I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
