Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
