I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
