Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
soo... how was my night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
