when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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