just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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