Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
