I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
