Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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