Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
