dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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