my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Randomize
