Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
