you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
