Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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