Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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