Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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