So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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