apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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