I am puke
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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