i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize