please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
