When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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