Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
