Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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