We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
