Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
