If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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