i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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