On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So much rum. So many feels.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
