Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
