Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
