Will you blow on my dice?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
