the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dignity is for republicans.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
