so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
