so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
