This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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