After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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