Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
pop tarts are not kleenex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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