ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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