so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
