It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
