I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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