Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
