Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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