He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
