Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
