In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
