News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
