He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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