That's intense
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
