I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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