Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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