Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize