id be glad to
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
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ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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