Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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