woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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