it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Drake has all the answers
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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