i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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