She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
