Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
