The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
