No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
